


I don´t get to have good things...

by Steph_Winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Open Marriage, Other, Past Rape/Non-con, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-02 09:35:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13315419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steph_Winchester/pseuds/Steph_Winchester
Summary: Dean had an homophobic dad who drunk decided to let a friend give his older son a lesson about being gay. That night marked Dean for decades to come. Even now, a well adjusted functioning adult, married and in a poli relationship with Castiel ... he has that lesson his dad tried to teach him internally burning him inside. One unplanned surprised such as his wife getting pregnant sent him spiraling out of his mind.It takes family and love to let him see that, he does get to have good things, and real happiness.





	1. I ruin all I touch

The arrangements was finally perfect and Dean had his family all under the same roof. Well all in the same building. They have found a 3 store detached home, with a full apartment in each one of the floors, independent entries, lots of parking space and garden.  
To everyone else, they were 3 couples sharing living expenses. Between the six of them, mortgage was a joke and they live comfortably. On the first floor Sam and Eileen were settling in and painting the nursery because they were expecting their first baby in less than 3 months. On the second floor, Castiel and his lovely wife Meg were also discussing how to set their furniture in the right place. On the third floor, Dean and his wife Steph were plummeted over the couch that they had finally pushed all the way to the corner they wanted.  
“I want pizza” said Steph  
“Well that sounds very nice indeed! I want to go downstairs to check on Cass do you mind ordering in?” Said Dean dropping a kiss on Steph´s lips. She soon held him down on her and kissed him more intensely.  
“Umm... you want pepperoni?” she asked once they separated  
“That was a nice kiss babe...” wondered Dean  
“What?... I am happy” Steph said signalling all round “This is home, our for real to settle, no more moving, no more nights driving from one place to another... finally one big family. Go check on Cass, he was all over the place with the move and you know Meg is a cleaning freak so I am sure he will be happy to see you and scape her” she giggled and Dean did too relaxing and dropping his head on her shoulder  
“You are amazing babe, thanks for letting me have this. I love you” Dean said kissing her again  
“You better” Steph said while Dean was going downstairs. She heard a knock on a door and Meg calling for Cass.  
Steph thought for a minute that this familiarity, this proximity would take some adjusting but somehow it felt natural. Meg and her had surprisingly get on fantastic since they met. And despite the initial reluctance with the basics of polyamory, with Dean Reassurance and Meg as support everything had been smooth. A knock on the door made her realize she had been in the clouds for a while without ordering the pizza.  
“Come on in!” she said  
“Sis?” Said Sam coming up the stairs  
“Hi Sam, I was about to order some dinner, do you fancy some pizza?” she offered  
“Naaa Eileen had a pregnancy craving for burgers, so I got some” he smiled  
“You are so cute!” said Steph “What can I do for you ah?”  
“I was wondering where could we store the bikes? Where did you guys put yours?” he asked  
“In the little shed in the backward but Dean pointed out that there will be not enough room for 6 bikes and the lawnmower in there... we might need to rethink that. But for now, there is enough space” she said  
Dean and Cass got in too and disappeared together, Sam smiled and looked at Steph.   
“Dean is happier than ever” Steph said  
“Yeah... are you ok with it...” he asked  
“I am, I love him, I only want him to be happy and having you and Cass close is it” Steph said and sat down next to Sam “Is this still kinda weird for you?” she asked  
“No, it not that ... it is because you know hormones and all that make you demanding and frustrated... I am just concerned. My brother may look strong but he is sensitive” said Sam  
“waaait did you say Hormones?” said Steph wondering  
“Oh c´mon you don’t have to fake it with me, I have a pregnant woman at home, I noticed the changes” he said. Stephanie looked at Sam with surprise and fear  
“Hey hey let´s take a step back... you think I am pregnant?” she flinched when she realized her how loud she had been  
“Well I noticed your sudden changes in diet, you never liked anchovies in the pizza and two days ago you were stealing Dean´s... don’t be offended but you are bigger than a couple of months ago ... are you telling me that you haven´t considered this?”  
“Well no, first I am taking the pill, never missed a period and didn´t have any morning sickness....” Steph pondered the situation “I have indeed gained some pounds but I have been eating a lot ..”  
“For two?” said Sam  
“I might have been putting on some weight but, definitely not pregnant” she eased the man “We are not even trying, Dean has never showed much interest in long term commitments like getting married or having kids ... we got married and that was a big deal, now with Cass around and everything... this is not in our pillow talk” Steph tired not to look disappointed   
“Did you order?” asked Dean popping his head into the living room with Cass next to him  
“Nahh your brother has been nagging me with crazy shit... i´ll do it now. Cass are you staying for dinner? And Meg?”  
“Oh no no, no pizza for me, Meg is cooking pasta!” Said Cass happily  
“Oh man... that sounds delicious” Said Dean walking Cass out.  
“Are you sure everything is alright?” asked Sam with a weird look on his face  
“100%, now go! I have a pizza to order I am starving” Said Stephanie walking into the kitchen.

The idea never left her though… so finally after 24 hours of psychological self-torture, Steph decided to make a pit stop at the pharmacy and get a pregnancy test. She sat on the bathroom for at least 1 hour before she gathered the courage to pee on the dam thing. She set the timer for the 2 minutes and inspected the test. “Oh my god” was the only thing she could mutter when seeing the positive. “Oh my … oh god… what…” She felt like she was going to faint and panicked. Her chest was tight… fantastic… now she was having an asthma attack. She needed to get to her purse in the kitchen. She focused on breathing, keep breathing and walking… she was not seeing straight anymore, her chest constricted and she fell on her hands and knees in the middle of the living room, she was about to collapse when Dean and Cass and Meg entered the house.  
“Steph!” screamed Dean running towards her “she is having an asthma attack, Cass het her inhaler from her purse. Cass rummaged into her bag and got the inhaler, Dean helped her get a couple of doses and held her upright while encouraging her to breather rhythmically.  
“Meg get a wet towel, Cass a glass of water when you can” said Dean. They all did what he said because he had been in another of Stephanie´s attack and he had experience. “Babe… do I need to call an ambulance” Steph denied with her head.  
“It´s … getting easier” she said between breaths.  
“It had been a long time since you last had one of the strong episodes babe… what brought this now eh?” Dean said lovingly.  
“I might have the answer” said Meg and all looked at to her at the bathroom´s door with the pregnancy test on her hand. “It is positive”  
“You are pregnant?” asked Cass looking at her straight in the eye. And Steph could see some hurt… jealousy maybe.  
“Is that… is that true?... how? We are not trying… we are taking precautions!” said Dean and he sound annoyed? Surprised? Well Steph couldn´t tell… but he wasn´t happy that was for sure.  
“I need to lie down” she whispered about to cry.  
“Sure, I will help you to the bed” Dean basically took her in his arms and moved her to the bed. Steph closed her eyes, she was exhausted and afraid and scared…. “Try to get some rest, call me if there is anything you need” Dean said leaving the room and closing the door behind him.  
“Dean… are you alright?” asked Meg “Is Steph alright?”  
“Yeah she is sleeping” said Dean sitting on the couch.  
“Cass we should go home” said Meg with a harsh tone, Cass knew he was in trouble   
“You don´t have to…” started Dean  
“Yeah well, I think we need to. You see, Steph had just figured it out she is pregnant, she had a panic attract that triggered her asthma. You said you were not trying, so she might be freaking out and…” she made a dramatic pause there so they both understood and paid attention to the important part “you both made a weird face when I showed you the pregnancy test”  
“Well it was a shock for me” said Dean but Meg cut him right there.  
“Dean she is your wife. You know her better than anybody else here, try getting on her shoes. I would tell you though. If when I get pregnant any of you look at me like that… somebody would be sleeping in Sam´s pull-out couch for a long time” Meg finished looking at Cass  
“What did I do?” asked Cass throwing his hands on the air dramatically  
“Well you looked angry, maybe even jealous… well dam now that I think about it, I might be slightly offended by the way you reacted. What is it Cass ?… is that you hate that Dean is having a kid with Steph, is maybe the fact that this will make them closer and be a family, do you think that kids will change our arrangement… and you will have to restrict your sex to your lame wife?” Meg said too fast  
“Meg…it is not like that…” said Cass standing from the couch.  
“Yeah, sure. Whatever” said Meg turning around and heading home.  
“Fuck… will you be alright?” asked Cass “I need to go home and talk to Meg” said Cass holding Dean´s hand  
“Yeah… I have some thinking and apologizing to do too. This blind sighted me Cass…” said Dean “I am not father material babe”  
“Are you kidding? Dean you will be a wonderful dad. I wish I could… share that with you somehow” said Cass  
“So Meg was right?” asked Dean  
“Well… she usually is. Don´t tell her I said that or I would never see the end of it” Cass squeezed Dean´s hand and left the house.

Dean walked to the bedroom but stopped by the door, gathering the courage for the conversation ahead of him. Suddenly he hear a sniff coming from inside, he concentrated and now he could hear it clearly. His wife was obviously crying. Fuck he was a dick. He opened the door and that made Steph flinch and clean her face  
“Hey darling” said Dean getting on the bed by her side. “Don´t cry please. I am sorry” Dean try holding her but she moved away “Babe it was a surprise… I am sure it was a surprise for you too” he whispered  
“Yeah Dean … a fucking surprise. Until you brother suggested it yesterday I had absolutely no idea. I haven´t missed any periods, I take my pills, no nausea whatsoever … how could I´ve known? … This is not how things should have happened”  
“Well now we need to figure it out if we want to keep it” said Dean  
“What?” Steph move abruptly away from him and sat upright “Do you want me to stop the pregnancy?” she sounded agitated again  
“Well you said this was unexpected and not how you wanted things… I have never considered becoming a father…” said Dean  
“Never?...” she asked surprised  
“Well no… I don´t think I would be a very good dad… and honestly I like my life as is… now that we have finally moved here all together… I don´t want things to get messy and a baby is complicated and messy” said Dean.  
“Well Dean… the way I see things … this baby hasn´t been planned. The odds of conception on the pill like this are almost none… but here it is unexpectedly but the lack of planning doesn´t mean I don´t want to keep it. You never told me you didn´t want kids at all! When did you expect to have that conversation with me? We have talked about the abstract idea of being parents and you never said this was a no for you…” finished Steph about to cry again.. but then she added one last thing.  
“I am going to the doctor tomorrow, you don´t have to come If you don´t want to, if the baby is healthy and I am healthy, I am keeping my kid and raising my kid with or without you. Now it seems you have a lot of thinking to do Dean. Because you need to figure it out if you want to be a dad and a husband or none of that” Dean was in shock. Did Steph just…?¿  
She walked to the closet, got his pajamas and gave them to him “Please go sleep in the guest room”  
“Steph … I don´t know what to say…” Dean whispered in shock  
“Let me know once you figure it out… but Dean? Don´t wait too much” Steph said before closing the door to their bedroom and leaving Dean a mess in the cold and empty corridor with his pajamas on a bunch in his arms.

He slept in the guestroom and Cass apparently had a heated discussion with Meg but they have talked it out and made up according to his multiple texts that Dean never answered. He was a happy man yesterday, really really happy and now… he was going to be a father… he had never seen her wife that angry and disappointed. He was scared she was going to leave him. Damm he was going to be a dad. He needed to talk to Sammy, he was going to be a dad! Fuck  
As soon as he closed his eyes, those long time forgotten nightmares came back rushing in. The beatings, the degradation, the shame and… that night. He woke up in the middle of the night swimming in sweat and panic. He wrapped himself in a blanket and went to Sam.  
It was 4 am when something awoke Sam, Dean was softly shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes and shook his head to make sure he was seeing Dean in his room in the middle of the night.  
“Dean? What is going on?” asked Sam  
“I need your help, sorry for the hours but this cannot wait” said Dean almost shaking and Sam saw the symptoms, that fear in his brother´s eyes … fuck.  
“Of course Dean” He moved out of the bed carefully to avoid waking up his wife. They went to the living room. Sam made a pot of coffee and they sat to talk. Dean told Sam everything, he knew he was the only one who knew … who understood.  
Early in the morning, Sam woke Stephanie up and told her to come to his house, family emergency meeting. Also called Cass and Meg. When the 6 of them were sitting in the living room and there was coffee on the table, Sam sat close to Dean and squeezed his shoulder.  
“I asked Sam to do this … I can´t do it alone. Please don´t understand this things I haven´t told any of you as equivalent of lying… that was never my intention… I wasn´t strong enough to talk about it… hell I still can´t… but Sam here… he knows. Stephanie, I think you deserve to know before you go to the doctor today” Dean said and everybody was looking at Dean and Sam waiting for an explanation for this meeting.  
“Well.. neither of you met our dad. He was a good dad in the beginning, or so Dean sais, I don´t remember those times when mom was alive. But once she died he became a drunk, horrible person. He was especially hard with Dean. He was violent sometimes but the first time I saw him beat Dean was when he was 16, he found out that Dean was sneaking out football practice to go to art classes. He is really good with drawing and painting. He came home and discovered Dean´s drawings and destroyed everything, when we got home, he told me to get into my room and he beat Dean purple. I will never forget that was the first time I saw fear in Dean´s eyes, I saw my big brother cry for the first time. He was very homophobic and… he thought that painting would encourage Dean´s soft side. He started with the humiliation and name calling, fag, pillowbiter, cocklover… and worse”  
Sam paused a minute and nobody made as much as a breathing noise.  
“Turned out Dean was bi, and he felt attraction to both girls and boys, in football practice he met Benny when he was 18. After practice Benny kissed Dean and Dean kissed him back. I was there when my dad appeared, he had been watching Dean Practice and when he saw them kissing, he rushed there and beat Benny hard. Dean tried to stop it… dad hauled him into the car, they left me behind. I ran home, thinking that Dada would beat the crap out of Dean… but one I got home there was just Dean”  
“Dad told me to get home that he was going to get the fag out of me, he told me to pack my things. He would send me to a conversion camp” said Dean “he jumped in the car and left he returned pass midnight but this time he was not a…lo…ne” Dean´s voice broke.  
“I woke up in the middle of the night with Dean screaming for help. I run towards the door but it was locked. Dad had locked me inside. I heard that there was an unknown man with Dean… I didn´t realize exactly what was happening, Dean was begging him to let him be, but then Dean screamed and screamed for what seemed like hours, later that night it was just crying and whimpering. I hear the man leave at some point. In the morning dad unlocked my door and left for work. When I got into Dean´s room. He was naked, curled in bed, beaten, bleeding and crying. I might have been too young to understand exactly what had happened… but I understood my brother was severely injured. I helped him dress and took him to the bus stop. We rode the bus to the hospital. The doctor called our dad, he never answered because it turned out that morning he had gotten in a car accident and died in the spot. Uncle bobby came to help us at the hospital, he made sure Dean received proper care. Doctors never told me what had happened to Dean exactly, I was too young”  
“Dad… he came back home drunk and with another man. Apparently he had been drinking angry, telling this guy that his son was a fag and that he needed a conversion camp to help him be normal…” Dean´s voice trembled “The guy said he knew a better solution. Dada agreed that he could give me a lesson. He brought a stranger home and let him sodomize me all night long” Dean´s eyes were now watered and focused on the floor. Steph moved to his side and hugged him.  
“You … are not your dad… nothing like him“ she understood now  
“babe but… that is the only example I have… what if I turned out like him with time… I am sick, I am damaged, the baby … what if he is sick because of me?” asked Dean braking completely.  
“Dean, I didn´t have a mother, that doesn´t disqualify me to have kids, you had a horrible dad and that doesn´t disqualify you at all either. I am sure nothing is wrong with the baby”  
“Things got better after lots of Therapy and one day, Dean met Steph… it was not until he fell for Cass that I decided to have a look at that med file, just in case” said Sam and Dean looked at him in panic “I am sorry Dee, I intruded in your privacy. He had several broken bones, strangulation marks of a belt, biting marks and several anal tears … that man raped him brutally with dad´s consent. I am sorry Dee, I feel like I should have helped you … I was just a kid but… I can´t help feeling like that!” said Sam  
“Sammy, I was just… I wanted to spare you this” said Dean “please don´t feel guilty, there is nothing you could have done, if you have entered the room you could have ended hurt or abused like me… when I came to in that hospital and bobby told me that dad had died… I felt relieved … that is the kind of man I am trying hard not to be Steph… I am scared shitless that my dad was right that… somehow I ruin all I touch…” Dean hugged Steph and cried. Cass was sobbing too and he joined their hug.  
“Come with me to the doctor, let´s have a look at our kid? See how the baby is doing?” asked Steph  
“Yeah babe, I can do that” said Dean regaining his composure. He stood up and walked to Cass fussing into a bear hug with him. Cass spilled more tear silently when Dean kissed him. “I should have told you but… I was afraid”  
“I love you Dean, I understand. Go see the baby, be there for your family. I will be here when you came back” Said Cass giving Dean some strength.


	2. A whinchester bun in the oven...

So yeah, it was happening. Dean was sitting in the doctor´s office, sweating his mind off. Steph is there, not less nervous than himself, she is just sitting there, watching him and Dean has no idea of what to do to avoid messing it up further that he already had yesterday.  
They entered the office and a very nice redhead young woman met them and introduced herself as Dr. Bradbury “Please call me Charlie” she said shaking their hands “Well what can I help you with today?”  
“Well it seems I might be pregnant, despite being on the pill and never missing a period” said Stephanie  
“Oh well… extremely unusual but I have seen it happen before” said softly “well I am sure you are both shocked, let´s take some blood samples, I will send them for a couple of quick tests downstairs and meanwhile we will do an echography so we can see if everything is alright”  
“Ok” said Steph  
“Should I wait outside?” asked Dean  
“No need, and I guess you would like to see too, right?” said Charlie encouraging Dean, she smiled and somehow that soothed Dean a little. Steph held his hand and when Charlie moved to prep the equipment she whispered.   
“I am terrified Dean… please don´t let me alone… please” she begged  
“Never” Dean ensured her, holding her hand now tight. He realized that he was being selfish again, his terrified wife, well… his terrified pregnant wife was there trembling and Dean was just thinking about himself. He cursed his stupidity on the inside and looked at Steph, he got close and dropped a feather kiss to her temple holding her close “I love you ok? Not going anywhere babe”  
“Ohh aren´t you two cute together…” said Charlie “You nervous right? Stephanie please lay here and I am going to need you to unbutton your trousers and raise your t´shirt a little. Dean you can come close, I am going to spread this liquid on her belly, and we will see the baby in this monitor” Dean sat next to Steph and held her hand again.  
Charlie did her thing, and started circling her belly with the wand… until she stopped and started fumbling on the machine. Suddenly a loud and fast drum was being heard through the speakers.  
“Oh wow… here you hear the heartbeat and the…” Charlie stopped for a second midsentence and looked at monitor frowning, she listened quietly and both Steph and Dean held their breath, something was wrong? “Well guys, I have two important sets of news, first you are pregnant, very pregnant 10 weeks already. Everything seems to be healthy and in order, it is quite extraordinary that you haven´t had any symptoms!. You can hear the heartbeat in the monitor, the mama´s heartbeat is the slower one, baby´s is faster” Charlie looked at them  
“I hear a rumble but I cannot make a difference” said Dean smiling  
“Well, that is the second set of news, you cannot hear it as clearly as you should because you are hearing at three heartbeats, you guys … are expecting twins” Steph gasped and Dean just looked at her belly in awe.  
“Look, here they are” Charlie pointed out at the monitor that was now focused on two little shrimp like forms that he was seeing in the black&white monitor.   
“Oh my god… it is true?…” said Stephanie and she turned to see Dean´s face, but her husband´s eyes were on the monitor, tears were falling down his face.  
“Are they normal, I mean healthy? … are they going to be ok?” asked Dean  
“Yeah, everything is alright, a multiple pregnancy is always risky, so Stephanie will have to rest a lot, take it easy, no stress and everything will be fine. I will print this, so you can show the family” Charlie said happily  
“Dean …” Steph called him catching his attention from the monitor for the first time. “What is going on… inside that hard head of yours…¿?” she asked, Dean´s eyes were full of tears.  
“They are healthy babe, just beautiful normal babies… I… I am going to be a dad?” Dean said trying to dry his tears that were now falling down his cheeks.  
“Yeah babe, you are going to be a dad, an awesome dad” said Steph caressing his husband´s face she was also emotional and watching Dean like this… well it was hard.  
“I love them already” said Dean on a whisper “I love them already and I only knew they existed for 5 minutes… I feel like I would do anything to keep them safe” Dean hugged Steph and she smiled widely. Somehow she knew Dean will be there for her. He was going to be a wonderful father.  
They got home and all their family was there, sitting on their couch, obviously waiting for them.  
“So?” asked Sam standing up “what is it?”  
“I am pregnant!” said Steph entering the livingroom happily followed by Dean who was smiling.  
“Congratulations!” said Meg giving her a huge hug. Jessica also hugged her making the trio hug laugh hard. Cass stood up and went to Dean, he held Dean´s shoulder reassuringly  
“You are going to be a dad, this is big Dean. Are you alright?” Castiel asked looking at Dean in the eye. Dean passed him the envelope he had been holding the whole time, Cass looked at it quizzically “But Dean… this means…two?”  
“Yes Cass, two. You should have seen them, they are super small but their heart beats so fast Cass.. they are strong, they are perfect!” said Dean now getting emotional again. His body felt like vibrating with fear and happiness and… he didn´t even know.  
“You are going to be a great dad” Cass hugged him dearly and suddenly Dean crumbled in tears in his arms. Holding to Cass like he was dying and crying like a broken man. “Dean love what is going on? Dean?” Everyone turned to watch Dean have a meltdown in Castiel´s arms.  
“How could he… how?” he continued crying. Sam ran towards them understanding what was happening, helping Cass move Dean to the couch. He was having full-blown a panic attract and had trouble breathing. “Dean … dean stop stop look at me babe” begged Cass who got Dean´s attention “Breath babe, breath slowly and tell me what is going on…” Cass managed to make Dean breath rhythmically again in his arms… when he calmed down a little he talked  
“I saw the babies… the minute I saw them in the monitor I realized I was going to be a dad Cass… a dad this is really big. I felt like I loved them already, I loved them and I would do anything to keep them safe…” he broke in tears again but kept talking, he was more in control now “how could he let than man hurt me… he heard my cry, scream, beg and he let him rape me, hit me again and again. He raped me three times that night… until I lost consciousness due to the abuse… why didn´t he love me? I can´t understand it!” finished Dean.  
Everyone in the room was in tears, in deep silence, considering that Dean was right. You love your kids no matter what, you protect them … letting them be hurt, abused… that is not love. John Winchester was a horrible father and horrible person. But it was also Dean and Sam´s dad and they only wanted their dad to love them.  
“He was defective Dean… not you. Are the babies healthy?” asked Sam  
“Yeah, the doctor said they were good” said Dean smiling. “Sorry I broke down but…”Cass silent him with a soft kiss.  
“I understand, we all do. I love you and I am very happy that you both are going to be parents, to be honest I am slightly jealous… not that I would like to carry twins or anything “said Cass smiling and looking to Steph “but what you and Stephanie are about to experience… that is something big”  
“Cass, we live almost together, you love Dean… the barrier between father and uncle is quite blurry here and I don´t mind at all. Meg are you good with this?” asked Steph smiling with relief at Meg´s heartwarming smile.  
“Yeah, Cass and I had a long conversation about babies and jealousy within polyamory… we are on the same page here. I will be very happy to be a cool aunt to your sweet babies… who knows...being around so many babies might ignite Cass´s biological clock…” said Meg  
“Careful Cass, she is up to something…. You may as well start practicing changing diapers with our kids because you might need the practice” said Sam laughing. Happiness finally set in.  
“Hey! slow down a little here” said Cass panicking a bit but happy nonetheless.  
“I am destroyed, I need a nap” said Dean “My nerves are killing me”   
“Hey I am the pregnant one who needs naps and rest…” Steph teased him “Cass do you mind helping Dean to bed” she asked winking at Cass.  
“I happily volunteer” said Cass helping Dean “I might take a nap too” Cass said to Meg  
“If that is what you call it these days…” she answered happily “Go to bed love birds”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah yeah ... I know I am making John the bad bad guy here... but well...I needed one and...don´t be too mad. I have other fics where he is a sweetheart.


	3. Love cures it all

Since that moment, Dean felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. The following nine months had been amazing. The babies were happily growing, Steph was beautiful and Dean had gone all nine yards to make her feel loved, cared for and as comfortable as possible. Cass had been a big support for him, reassuring him that he was taking good care of his family.  
Sam´s baby was born and it had been a joy for all the family, Becoming an uncle had been an amazing experience, Dean could only wonder what would it be like once he gets to hold his own babies… and suddenly the day arrived.  
Stephanie calls Dean Midday on a Tuesday to let him know that her water just broke and that Meg is taking her to the hospital. Dean calls Cass while rushing to the hospital to meet his wife over there. Cass calls Sam and they all head there. Ten long and painful hours later, Steph gives birth to a tiny set of girls. Dean had never seen anything as impressive as a delivery. He would never ever, take for granted how strong his wife is. And the babies… well they are perfect. Very tiny, they look fragile but they cry for food like rabid little monsters. He marvels on his wife breastfeeding them, he wished he could do that too. After a couple of hours they let the family inside to meet the little ones.  
When they entered the room, Dean was holding one little bundle in his arms, sitting in the bed by Steph who was holding another bundle. They looked more in love than ever before. When Dean looked at Cass, tears fell down his face while he smiled.  
“I am a dad Cass..” he said. Castiel approached him and softly caressed the baby´s little hand. She moved instinctively and wrapped her fingers around Cass´s little finger and Cass opened his eyes surprised but with a soft look he turned to Dean and kissed him full of sentiment. “You are a dad indeed. Congratulations my love” Whispered Cass in the crook of his shoulder where he had melted. “She knows I love you” said Dean in a whisper only for Cass to hear.   
Soon Cass recovered composure and congratulated Steph too and cooed at the other baby girl.  
“Ok. Time to know the names!” said Sam “C´mon guys!” he was obviously impatient.  
“This little one is Mary Jane Winchester” said Stephanie  
“Like mom¿?” asked Sam with bright eyes…dam now he was about to cry too.  
“Yeah, like mom” said Dean and felt Cass squeeze his shoulder reassuringly  
“ aaaand … This little grumpy lady” said Dean pointing at the baby in his arms “Johana Beth Winchester” said Dean.

And just like that, life moved on. They went home and dealt with poop and diapers and feedings and naps and crying babies and love, so much love. Becoming a father had cured Dean of so much of his self hate. Cass loved to spend time with the little girls and hold them. Dean got soft every time he saw Cass holding his daughters.   
One night after putting the monsters to sleep, Steph went to bed exhausted while dean cleaned the kitchen a little. Cass knocked softly.  
“Hey babe” said Dean, kissing him. “Is everything alright?”  
“Yeah, I had a long day at work and I hadn´t seen you in 24 hours… I needed to stop by for a minute. I know you are tired too but…” Cass didn´t finish the sentence because his mouth was suddenly assaulted by Dean.  
“I love you, I also needed to see you babe” Dean said while carrying Cass to the couch and kissing him fiercely. Dean moved to straddle Cass´s hips on the couch while kissing him. Their tongues dancing together, their hands roaming around, touching as much skin as possible.  
“Oh god Deaan” moaned Cass when Dean pushed his hips onto Cass making their erections brush together “Cass, I need you babe, let´s get out of this clothes” suggested Dean and Cass got with the program. They were naked in a minute and again onto each other.  
Dean had him and Cass on his hand and was pumping them slowly. They were both very aroused, so much so that they could easily come like this… but Dean.. had been thinking about something for a while. He kissed Cass´s jaw and pulse point and got his earlobe with his teeth.  
“Make love to me Cass…” said Dean on a whisper hiding his blushing face on the crook of Castiel´s neck.  
“Dean…” Cass didn´t know what to say… “I would love to… are you sure?” he asked  
“Yeah I want to feel you babe” said Dean kissing him again  
“Wait, wait, let´s talk about it for a millisecond before…” demanded Cass. Dean gasped, a little annoyed… he didn´t want to talk about it… “We had never done this before, you have never shown any interest whatsoever in bottoming. I understand why and I am ok with it, if it never happens I will be ok with it, you know that right?” said Cass. He needed to reassure Dean he was ok as they were, no need to try something that could potentially hurt him psychologically …  
“Cass, Since that night I have never felt like bottoming, first because even when I was touching myself I had flashbacks…it was horrible for a while, I thought I was ruined for sex… until I met you. Falling in love with you and having sex with you was amazing, liberating and I enjoy every second of it… we had been together for a while when I realized that when I touched myself like that… I was not panicking anymore because in my mind, those fingers in my hole are always yours” Cass looked at him with adoration “Since the girls were born…you have been so wonderful… I love you even more. I will trust you with something as sacred as my children… I started to wonder If I could tell you that I wanted to try… maybe you can make love to me, slowly, I would like to try” finished Dean  
“I will, of course babe, I just need you to be sure. We will do it face to face and you need to promise me that you will make me stop if anything feels uncomfortable or brings up any bad memories. Deal?” asked Cass  
“Deal” said Dean kissing Cass Again. Dean bottomed that night for the first time ever, and in the hands of Cass, he trembled, moaned and cummed all over himself on Castiel´s arms. It felt wonderful and liberating. Love cures unimaginable pains. Dean fell asleep in Castiel´s arms happily. He had a shitty childhood but, he had a wonderful family now, he had built the best family in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I made John a monster ... I usually imagine him an homophobe but never too bad. This was is though.  
> I needed the crazy evil and he was it. Sorry.


End file.
